- welcome ! ; posted 08/07/23
- test entry ; posted 08/07/23
- entry #1 ; posted 08/07/23
- entry #2 ; posted 11/07/23
- entry #3 ; posted 15/07/23
# of entries: 4
first entry: july 8th, 2023
latest entry: july 15th, 2023
why did i decide to give entries names
hello again! once again it has been a couple days since i last wrote... i keep forgetting, and not having very interesting days
honestly we started writing this yesterday - got that one sentence written and then mom asked if we wanted to go to the bookstore, so im just finishing this up now :) ill write what we wanted to say yesterday and then add on stuff from since ! im also not the same headmate as who started writing this... whoops
cw: im gonna be complaining today
in all honesty ive not had a great week... i ended up having appointments 4 days in a row - a dentist appointment, a psych appointment, and then two different therapy appointments (one of which with a new therapist). and all in all its a good thing - my teeth are clean, i got my medications updated, im hopefully gonna be getting more help with things therapy-wise - but its also just so so tiring. especially with being agoraphobic and not getting much outside interaction in my day-to-day its just been. socially and emotionally exhausting. yesterday afternoon/evening we were so anxious and on edge, we kept jumping at any little sounds and got so stressed out over any questions people asked us. which... i will admit, me switching in after we left for the bookstore definitely didnt help (im an anxiety holder). we ended up having a panic attack at the end of the bookstore visit - i got jumpscared by suddenly needing to go since the store was closing and freaked out over needing to make a choice about books to get, and then a piece of our headphones fell off and i nearly had a full blown meltdown. luckily its a small piece that doesnt need to be there !
ok complaining over
im feeling better this morning though - ive decided that todays just gonna be a day of doing nothing big or anxiety making, im just gonna hang out in bed all day and watch youtube :) and maybe draw, work more on this site, or read!
oh yeah - probably the best part of yesterday was getting some new books!!
i got the seven visitations of sydney burgess by andy marino and sundial by catriona ward!! both are horror books; the seven visitations of sydney burgess is a possession story, to summarise the synopsis a woman experiences a home break-in and is knocked unconcious, after waking up in the hospital she tells a story of escape - but the cops tell a different story since the guys now dead. in her home. it also seems to have stuff to do with addiction but i havent gotten far enough in to know how much so! sundial on the other hand, to summarise the synopsis as well, is about someone whos been running from her hometown + family + history, but she starts worrying for one of her children and her odd habits - seeing a darkness in her(daughter) that reminds her(main character) of her family and past. so she moves her family back to her childhood home in the mojave desert
in all honesty i got sundial partially because one of the reviews on the cover is from stephen king himself ("authentically terrifying") and hes one of my favourite horror writers ever!! so i think its gonna be interesting to read a work he enjoyed :3 plus the premise of it also feels stephen king-esque! though i simultaneously have some worries about it - namely that it might be a story that takes stuff from native folklore (because of the location as well as one of the things mentioned on the back that worries our main character - namely that her daughter collects small animal bones) and from what i can tell the author is white. though i guess well see ! im still excited to read it :)
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in other things that are very exciting!! my birthday is coming up in about a month, and mom has decided shes going to be getting us our first tattoo as a gift!! and i am. very excited about it ! and also anxious about it. but! i think itll be really cool! weve wanted tattoos since we were around 14, and now were finally getting one at our 20th :)
we havent figured out what were actually gonna be getting yet, but weve got time to figure it out! we have a lot of anxiety about doing getting our first tattoo somehow "wrong" because of how permanent it is and how big of a thing it is. i might end up just getting something flash since then i wont overthink meaning in it or meaning of it being my first tattoo... though i also might get a sprig of lavender on my wrist or a tree above my elbow ! or a paw print on my leg/ankle for my late cat... well figure it out!!
honestly i cant think of anything else to write about right now... i think this is gonna be it for today :) i think im probably gonna just watch youtube for awhile, hopefully draw some in a bit!! i hope you have a good day to anyone reading this :)
another dream about shapeshifting /
oh well we move with such elegance /
with such grace /
with all our dignity just in place /
deer die with their eyes wide open
drop it doe eyes by los campesinos!
--- doe (it/fae/wisp)
